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|Title: Legions of Eupfhoria||Author:Svywranth|
o8 ) Chapter One: Enter The Delusional (Or, The Beginning is the End is the Beginning)
"*Attention: All personel to battle stations. Enemy forces spotted at Substation 232.*"
F'Lush tossed his cloak to the side with a flourish and whipped out his pink flamethrower. The only thoughts that were going through his head were
of fire.... Death.... and DESTRUCTION!
As he charged down the hall, shoving careless fighters out of his way, he shouted the traditional battle cry of his clan, announcing his mighty
presence to the enemy. They were up ahead; he could see them. There they were, oblivious to the doom that approached. Before they could react,
F'Lush was upon them, slamming his armored fist into the head of one and shoving another into a convieniently placed airlock. The humans were no
match for the Enforcer, who continued to slaughter the helpless civilians.
All but one was dead. F'Lush pulled forth his flamethrower (which he affectionately named "Happy") and trained its sight upon the quivering human. The pale creature started to gibber something in its strange language, and large amounts of fluids were leaking from its optical orifices. F'Lush did not pay attention; Mercy had no place among the Pfhor empire. Squeezing the trigger, he bathed the weakling in a wave of firey
doom, and revelled in the smell of charred.... Burger?
"F'LUSH!" The voice was not of his commanding officer, but of his commanding Assistant Manager. "You are burning the burgers again!"
With a feeling of apprehension, F'Lush looked down, expecting to see the charred skeleton of a human. Instead, he was treated to a view of several
lumps of black meat, burnt into tasteless piles. He was still wearing his Mediocre Burger uniform, not the robes his rank entitled him to. In his
hand, he still held Happy, a thin trail of smoke rising from the barrel. All about him were not the surroundings of a space station but of Mediocre
Burger outlet #7-75-S a fast food restaraunt, filled with other Pfhor, large piles of dead K'Hug'Nrik Beasts and a pungent aroma of grease.
The Assistant Manager wandered over to survey F'Lush's handiwork. Nodding appreciateively, he wandered off to stare down a fighter who had his
finger stuck in the Mega Gulp, Supremely Slopppy dispenser.
Sighing to himself, F'Lush returned to his work, pulling off more chunks of K'Hug'Nrik beast and cooking it with Happy. It was not glorious work,
but it paid well. It was entirely too easy to daydream, as F'Lush had made a mental journey to the front line of the war with the Humans three times
today, not to mention the trip to the playground, which was quite a bit more peaceful but still an enjoyable experience.
His work was interupted by a large explosion and a gob of Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy in his face. Where once there was a young fighter with
his finger stuck in the dispenser and his Assistant Manager, there now stood a vaguely bipedal figure covered in Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy,
standing among a pile of twisted metal. A thick yellow paste coating the walls and several shards of bone strewn about suggested that something bad
The figure reached up a Supremely Sloppy arm and brushed some of the blue, sweet tasting sludge from his three, red eyes. Peering about from behind a
mess of Suprenely Sloppiness, the figure noticed the ruin of the dispenser about him and the remains of his manager decorating the kitchen. The
figure opened its mouth, and stuck out its toungue to lick up the Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy smeared accross its face. The figure then noticed
the patrons and employees of the restarount staring at him (or what they thought was a blue sludge monster with eyes) and opened his mouth again.
Without so much of a second thought, the patrons went back to eating their burgers, now with a tasty yellow condiment.
F'Lush wandered over to the blue mess and reached out. Wiping away the sludge covering a name tag, he read it out loud.
The blue figurelooked at him and nodded.
"That's your name, isn't it? Pfhred?"
The blue figure nodded.
"You're the new guy, aren't you?"
The figure nodded again.
"I guess the manager forgot to tell you that our dispenser backs up easily?"
Another nod, followed by a low whistle from F'Lush.
"Our manager is one mean son of a bitch. You won't get off eas-"
"*Attention: WIll Employee #14125 Report to the Manager's Office.*"
Pfhred shook off the remaining Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy covering his head and wandered over to the Manager's office. F'Lush, hearing the
intercom, went back to the front lines of the war and started to run about the restaraunt.
Pfhred grasped the handle to the office door and pulled. As he stepped through the door into the office, the first thing he noticed, besides the
rows of Lava lamps lining the walls, was how dark it was. The lava lamps did little to alleviate the penetrating darkness that hung over the room
like a pall. To make matters worse, it was very cold in there, so much that the Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy that stuck to him began to freeze up.
The most terrifying aspect of his Manager's office was the faint elevator music that filled the air with a feeling of moderate mildness. Upon
stepping into the room, the door slammed and locked shut behind him, sealing him into that crypt of an office.
Two red eyes opened up and peered out at Pfhred from the darkness on the other side of the room. A cold voice, easily compared to the sound of
stones scraping together, came forth from around these two eyes.
"Are you aware," the voice grated, "Pfhred, Employee #14125, that by causing a malfunction with our Mega Gulp, Supremely Squishy dispenser, and subsequently killing my Assistant Manager, you have violated Empire Law 4132, addendum 26, subsection 54e, paragraph seven - No employee numbering 10000 - 14500 of any business shall cause damage to property and personnel?"
Pfhred thought a bit, trying to ignore the sounds of screams and shouts from back in the kitchen, then shook his head.
"No, Your More Importantness, I was not aware of this law at the time."
The Manager gasped.
"Are you saying that you admit ignorance of the regulations of our Glorious empire?"
"Yes, Your More Importantness."
The two eyes of the manager widened to such an extent that Pfhred thought they would fall out. The eyes then snapped back into a glaring gaze that
sent shivers down Pfhred's spine. (At least he thought it was the gaze; it could have very well been attributed to the icy Mega Gulp, Supremely Squishy that clung to his uniform.)
"This is terrible news. You have been proven of negligence of out glorious laws, and have assasinated an Assistant manager, not to mention destroyed a delicate piece of machinery and stained a brand spanking new uniform. Regulation 11567 of addendum #672, subsection 32a, paragraph four states that you are to be disonhorably discharged from your rank among the legions of Mediocre Burger employees accross our fair Empire."
Pfhred stood there, a frozen mess of blue liquid, shocked by the words of his manager. He had only been enlisted in the ranks of Mediocre Burger for
a week, and already he was being expelled. Thoughts of anger, revenge, and violence raced through his simple mind. This unjustice would not go
unpunished! He would slaughter his manager, right then and there, and enjoy every last minute of it! Never again-
"You are dismissed, Ex-Employee Pfhred." The door slid open. An electronic voice could be heard saying "Have a nice day."
Without so much as another thought regarding his ex-manager and the whole of Mediocre Burger in general, he left the office and stepped
out into the kitchen. The smell of burnt flesh and grease came to him as he entered his former workplace.
All around him, crisped bones of dead K'Hug'Nrik Beasts littered the floor. Several cash registers had been knocked over, and one of the ovens
had exploded. Out among the booths of the restaraunt, Pfhred could see F'Lush pounding in the head of a patron with the barrel of Happy.
"You human scum! You shall never defeat me! I am F'Lush, ambassador to torment, and in the name of the Pfhor Empire I kill you!" He continued to beat the patron, who looked both at once very confused and very unhappy.
Pfhred rushed over and pulled F'Lush off of the unfortunate patron, who scrambled a safe distance away. F'Lush shook his head and peered at Pfhred.
"You're.... uh.... Oh, shit." F'Lush got up and peered about him, and the damage he had caused.
Pfhred also surveryed the damage. Several burnt bodies, both of patrons and employees, were scattered here and there, filling the air with the pleasnt aroma of death. A couple of potted plants had been knocked over, and the cash registers had popped open, spilling cash all about the floor. Several people were going through the cash, hastily stuffing it in their pockets.
A distrurbing thought came over Pfhred. He tapped F'Lush on the shoulder."By the way, what employee number are you?"*Attention: WIll Employee #13666 Report to the Manager's Office.*"
Pfhred did not receive a reply, as F'Lush was busy going to the Manager's office. He turned back to the mes around him as the door to the office slid shut with a metal clang. Sitting down on a turned over chair, he watched the door and the people about him mill about the ruins of what was supposed to be a peaceful eating environment. Licking some more Mega Gulp, Supremely Sloppy off of his arm, he watched the door, anxious to hear of F'Lush'es fate. Licks of flame could be seen coming from under the door.
Five minutes later, F'Lush stepped out of the office, to the tune of the small voice saying "Have a nice day." Behind him, the once dark, cold office was filled with burnt bones and office furniture and lava lamp sludge. There was no sign of the manager, even though someone had turned on the lights.
F'Lush wandered over to Pfhred, ignoring the menacing glares of several wounded patrons."He wanted to say something," the Enforcer began, "But there were a few humans in there."
Pfhred nodded and looked about, as F'Lush sat down next to him."You know what this means, don't you?"
F'lush thought about this for a second, then nodded."Yeah, humans burn easily.""No, not that," replied Pfhred. "We're going to have to find a new job."o8 )
Meanwhile, in a location many, many lightyears from Mediocre Burger outlet #7-75-S, three cybernetic eyes of a large, sinister being fixed upon the holographic projection of the two outcasts in the ruined restaraunt. The eyes shifted theyre gaze to a robotic being hovering in a nearby shadow. A cold, hollow voice, crueler sounding that that of any manager, sounded out from this--"Gumdrops!"
The robotic being in the shadows floated forward and regarded his master with his own trio of eyes."Yes, My Dark Evil Kinda Lord?""These two warriors, in the restaraunt. Who are they?"
The robotic being stopped for a minute, and a faraway looked filled his artificial eyes. After this moment of comtemplation, he once again regarded his master."They are two low-life soldiers working at a fast food restaraunt, My Very Nasty Sorta lord."
The sinister being thought about this for a brief moment as he watched the holographic images of F'Lush and Pfhred step out of the restaraunt."I want you and Bubblegum to take a detachment of drones to take care of them. I do not trust the fighter; kill him. The enforcer intriques me; caprure him and bring him here, although you are not to harm him. Understood?""Yes, your Somewhat Unpleasantness," stated the robotic being as he teleported out in a burst of static pixels.
The sinister being turned his attention back to the holographic image and of the figures of F'Lush and Pfhred.
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